The Time You’re Not Accounting For
How the three types of time showed where my attention was being spent and changed how I work around my kids.
Next time you feel you’re too busy for something, try this exercise. It helped me freelance 20+ hours a week while caring full time for my baby, toddler and 6-year-old.
For the next couple of days, pay attention to what has your attention.
The three types of time
For us, moms working on something else while raising kids, there are three different types of time: active, passive and neutral.
Passive time is when you’re listening to a podcast while folding laundry or cooking. You’re physically doing something, but your brain can (and will) wander.
Neutral time is when you’re playing with your kids or getting the baby to sleep. It’s a blank or reflective time.
Finally, active time is when you’re answering work emails, applying for jobs or building your audience. Things that require your full attention.
What I noticed
What I notice when I do this is that my mind spends a lot of time thinking about random, mostly useless thoughts.
The other day, I was putting the baby to sleep and caught myself thinking about why my mother-in-law annoyed me so much.
When I caught myself thinking about that pointless endeavour, I redirected my thinking to going over what I had in the fridge. I thought through his school lunches and snacks and most of what I was cooking for dinner that week.
When she was down, I wrote it down, and this helped make my whole week easier.
The time we waste most is the time we don’t account for.
We feel busy all the time, but it might be because our minds are running pointlessly for some (or most) of the time.
Protecting active time
I don’t want to optimize every second of my life, and I definitely don’t think mothers need another person telling them to be more productive. Neutral time is sweet.
My point is almost the opposite: it’s protecting active time, because that’s incredibly hard to come by when you have small children.
So when I finally get 20 uninterrupted minutes at my computer, I don’t want to spend the first 15 figuring out what to do.
If I’ve already thought through the problem while folding laundry, putting the baby down, or waiting in the school pickup line, I can sit down and execute.
It’s hard to carve out time in our days because they are filled with cooking, driving, planning, wiping and finding the shoe that must’ve been swallowed by the house.
I didn’t stop doing any of that and didn’t create extra hours in my day, but I did notice some time where I wasn’t looking.
Have you tried? What has your hands? And what has your attention?
If you try this, I’d genuinely love to know what you notice. Maybe your categories are completely different from mine.
A version of this post first appeared on Motheredit, my Substack. Subscribe there to get new posts by email.